


Courage and Cowardice

by EmeraldandSilver



Category: Yuri!!! on Ice (Anime)
Genre: Alternate Universe - Canon Divergence, Angst, Anxiety, Break Up, Coming Out, Established Relationship, Hurt/Comfort, Internalized Homophobia, M/M, Mentions of Sex, Panic Attacks, Paparazzi, Therapy, otayuri endgame, pliroy at beginning
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-05-25
Updated: 2017-05-25
Packaged: 2018-11-02 16:45:08
Rating: Mature
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 17,235
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10948596
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/EmeraldandSilver/pseuds/EmeraldandSilver
Summary: After a nervous breakdown, Yuri Plisetsky takes a two-year break from figure skating. His longterm boyfriend Jean-Jacques Leroy encourages him to prepare for his comeback, but Yuri isn't so sure he wants to return to competitive skating—or keep dating a man who makes no effort to understand him. Two weeks after moving back to St. Petersburg, Russia from Canada, Yuri meets Otabek Altin, a DJ and friend of his boyfriend, and starts to think in new ways. Maybe he can get his life back together after all...





	Courage and Cowardice

**Author's Note:**

> I would like to thank the mods who organized the Otayuri Reverse Bang. It was very interesting to use a picture as the primary prompt. I'm shocked and thrilled by how many words I was able to get just from that small prompt.
> 
> Big thanks to the artist: [@mita4real](https://mita4real.tumblr.com/)  
> Your artwork is absolutely stunning. It was a pleasure to work with you, and thank you so much for allowing me the creative freedom to write this story.
> 
> Another big thank you to [@yuriyuu](https://yuriyuu.tumblr.com/) for beta-reading my work.

After living in Canada for two years, Yuri Plisetsky thought he'd feel as if he were leaving a piece of himself behind when he moved away. He'd spent so long in that spacious apartment with it's elaborate velvet curtains, comfortable massage chairs, and large flat screen TV that covered the entire living room wall. The lap of luxury, the seat of comfort. It should have felt like home.

But now sitting on a plane on the way back to St. Petersburg, Russia, he felt stuck in the middle of two places where he didn't belong. His only small comfort was that he wasn't alone. Beside him sat his boyfriend, Jean-Jacques Leroy, who had graciously paid for their first class seats. Yuri knew he was spoiled rotten by the man, but he didn't particularly care.

“Would you like some wine?” JJ asked, leaning close to his ear.

Yuri scowled. “What the fuck do you think?”

JJ flashed his perfect smile and summoned a pretty brunette flight attendant. He asked for her to bring them an entire bottle of wine and two glasses, giving her a flirtatious wink before she disappeared behind the curtain.

“Why do you always do that?” Yuri muttered.

“Oh come on. You know you want more than one glass.”

That hadn't been what Yuri was referring to, but he kept his mouth shut. It had been happening more often lately—where JJ would flirt with women right in front of Yuri. He knew it was just pretend. JJ hadn't been able to go through with marrying a woman he'd been engaged to a few years ago. He'd never fall for a woman, but he still liked to appear as the straight playboy.

Yuri could respect that to a degree. After all, he wanted to be seen a very particular way too. That was why he so often said the opposite of what he meant and had his glares down to an art form. But he'd never been able to lie about his sexuality. He doubted he could even if he tried.

His parents and his grandpa had known since he was a child and accepted him, but sadly three years ago his parents had met an unfortunate end on a slippery road and two years ago his grandpa had passed away after having a heart attack. Yuri had no family left. Except JJ.

Yuri leaned back in his seat, crossing his skinny jean-clad legs and admiring the red leopard print on his shoes. He'd had these shoes for so many years. They brought back memory of his years of skating—how fitting since he was preparing to make his big comeback.

The Figure Skating World Championship was in St. Petersburg this year, so JJ would soon be competing. Unlike Yuri, he hadn't taken a two-year break and had continued to make the podium at every event. Yuri hadn't seen him compete live in years, but he had promised to come to this one. He already had a meeting scheduled with Yakov so they could discuss his new training schedule. He'd been a part of the skate club at _The International High School of the Arts_ in Canada, but he hadn't gotten in nearly as much ice time as he had under Yakov's care.

“You're thinking about it again, aren't you?” JJ asked, his voice surprisingly tender. He rubbed his thumb across Yuri's cheek, and Yuri leaned in to the comfort.

“Not anymore,” he whispered. True enough the thoughts had left his mind the moment JJ touched his skin. Physical affection in public with JJ was rare, so Yuri wanted to savor every second of it.

JJ gave a fond laugh. “I love you.”

The words sent a rush of happiness through Yuri. He both loved and hated how JJ had that effect on him. “Fuck you,” he mumbled, but his words held no malice.

“Later,” JJ promised.

Yuri leaned his head onto JJ's shoulder, enjoying how solid he felt underneath him. He'd been his support for more than two years, ever since they'd started dating shortly after Yuri's second Grand Prix Final in the senior division. JJ had been there to help him leave the world of competitive figure skating. It made him so happy that JJ would be there to help him back. Maybe this time would be better.

JJ suddenly pushed Yuri off him.

“What the fuck?” Yuri asked, then noticed the flight attendant walking towards them with a bottle of wine and two wine glasses. Of course...

JJ thanked her and complimented her brown eyes, claiming they were his favorite color. A lie. Complete and utter bullshit. She walked away looking on top of the world, her cheeks a red flush.

Yuri didn't say anything as JJ handed him a glass of wine. He downed it as quickly as he could, and JJ poured him another. He had hoped JJ would become more affectionate once he had some alcohol in him—it usually did the trick—but with the pretty flight attendant passing by so often, it was clear nothing would happen.

So Yuri pulled out the blanket and pillow from the back of the seat in front of him and curled up for a nap. It would be a long flight anyways, better to get rest while he still could.

…

It took a couple of weeks for Yuri to get used to his new apartment. He'd paid for this one with his own money from his part-time job in Canada, so it was a lot smaller than the one he had shared with JJ. Unfortunately, JJ would have to go back to Canada at the end of March, about two months later. His parents had come to Russia to train him at the local rink in preparation for the World Championship, but they didn't want to move here just to please their son. JJ hadn't even told them he was dating Yuri Plisetsky. He hadn't told anyone.

It shouldn't bother Yuri—it didn't. Not really. Or rather, not all the time. He forgot about it when they were in the privacy of his apartment. He only remembered when they were out and about. Homophobia was worse in Russia, so he understood why JJ didn't want to be affectionate in public, but it bothered him that they had never been publicly affectionate in Canada where it was much more accepted.

JJ had been so kind these past couple years. Yuri had never expected their relationship to become so serious once they started dating. He'd had a crush on JJ since the first moment they met, but his nasty personality had made him think he had no chance. Later, he discovered that JJ's teasing had been his way of flirting. Now he loved when JJ teased him.

He loved JJ. And if he had to wait a few more years for him to be comfortable enough to come out, then he would gladly do it. You made sacrifices for the ones you loved, and it wasn't like he didn't understand. JJ's parents had been Olympic champions in ice dancing. Their relationship was famous. Not only did they expect JJ to be a winner, but they also expected him to find his own lady so he could have a romance just like they had.

JJ didn't want to disappoint them and nor did Yuri since they were the closest thing he had to parents. He'd become a part of the Leroy family without even trying. He hoped they'd continue to be kind to him once JJ revealed the true nature of their relationship.

“Tiger.”

Yuri snapped out of his thoughts and turned to JJ, who sat beside him on the couch in his apartment. They'd been watching TV, but Yuri couldn't remember what the show had been about. “What is it, my kitten?” he asked, tracing his hand along JJ's exposed thigh.

“Remember how I told you about my friend who's a DJ?”

Yuri's hand went farther up JJ's thigh as he leaned towards him. “You might have mentioned him once or twice.”

“DJ Altin.”

Yuri kissed JJ's lips to hide the fact that he didn't remember the name. “What about DJ Altin?” he purred into JJ's ear.

“He has a gig on Friday at _Bonzai Club_ downtown. I'm meeting him tonight for drinks so we can discuss a remix he's doing of that collab I did with _Chasing_ _Amber_. Did you want to come?”

Frowning, Yuri pulled back and leaned against the sofa again. The last time he had met JJ's friends he had been introduced as his cousin, and JJ had kept his distance from him the whole night. It had just turned into a lonely disaster of Yuri watching JJ act straight and ignore him. “I don't want to meet your lame DJ friend,” Yuri said, half-jokingly. “Besides, I promised I'd go see Viktor tonight.”

“Are you sure you can't come? I really would like you to be there.” JJ's voice sounded so earnest. It was almost enough to convince Yuri to go. Almost.

“Another time. Viktor will be mad if I reschedule again. He thinks I've been avoiding him.” Yuri shrugged. The last part was true, though he hadn't made any promises to see Viktor yet.

JJ sighed. “All right. Well, I've got to start getting ready. Hope you have a good time with Viktor.”

Yuri thought he heard a hint of jealousy, but it was probably just his imagination.

…

Yuri couldn't get in touch with Viktor, so he ended up staying home alone. As he lay in bed and stared at the ceiling, bored out of his mind, he thought about calling JJ and seeing if he could meet up with him and his friend after all. But with his current mood, he knew the night would only be a disaster.

Instead he drifted off into a restless sleep.

When JJ crawled into bed at three in the morning, his breath thick with alcohol, he wrapped his arms around Yuri and buried his face in Yuri's long pale hair. “I missed you,” he whispered.

Yuri wanted to say he missed him too, but he didn't trust his voice not to reveal how uneasy he felt. So he kept his body still and pretended he was fast asleep. JJ was snoring mere seconds later anyways.

With JJ wrapped around him, little by little he felt better again. One small reassurance was that he knew JJ would never cheat on him. Not with a man or any of the women he flirted with. JJ was completely devoted to him, and even though he lied to everyone else, he never once lied to Yuri.

…

Since Yuri felt guilty about skipping out on meeting JJ's friend, he agreed to go to his friend's DJ gig on Friday night. It would be at a dark, edgy night club, full of strangers. That meant JJ would probably dance with him.

JJ had promised to have dinner with his parents that night at their hotel's fancy restaurant, so he said he'd meet Yuri at the club.

Yuri was determined to seduce JJ on the dance floor. He dressed up in his leopard-print leggings and his favorite top with leopard-print sleeves. He tied his hair half-back in the way that JJ loved and wore the necklace JJ had given him for their two-year anniversary last December.

Tonight was going to be perfect, he just knew it.

When he reached the club, he walked straight up to the bouncer, who let him in after an appreciative look over his body. Yuri slipped through the crowd of dancers, the flashing lights and excited energy in the room pumping him up. He took a seat at the bar and ordered a drink to get him started. The music was really good, he noticed, but he kept his attention on his phone, checking every few minutes to see if JJ was on his way yet.

After an entire hour of waiting, Yuri's phone buzzed. He glanced around to see if JJ was inside already, but didn't see him anywhere. He opened the text to see if JJ wanted him to meet him out front, then his heart sank.

_JJ: Sorry. Can't make it tonight. Staying with my parents at the hotel. Will make it up to you later! Love you, tiger~_

“Fuck!” he muttered, shoving his phone into his boot (since his leggings didn't have pockets). He stood up and stormed across the room. Elbows bumped him from every direction, angry shouts following in his wake. He was too upset to care. This was supposed to be _their_ night, where they made everything feel good and right again.

A hand grasped his arm, and he turned around to snap at the person, but the man didn't look angry. He was shorter than Yuri, with a wide jaw, brown eyes, and dark brown hair styled in an undercut. But unlike JJ, this fellow wore his hair pushed back. He wore a white tank top, which revealed well-defined muscles, and loose blue jeans.

“What?” Yuri asked, but there was no malice in his voice.

“You're Yuri Plisetsky, aren't you?”

Yuri shrugged his arm out of the man's grip. “So what?”

The man chuckled. “I'm Otabek Altin. JJ said you were coming to see me DJ tonight.”

Yuri glanced over at the DJ stand to see that it was indeed empty. This Altin fellow must have been there a moment ago. “How do you even know what I look like?” Yuri muttered, hoping he'd say that JJ showed him a picture.

“You don't remember me?” the man asked instead.

Yuri gave him a blank stare. “No.”

“The Grand Prix Final four years ago. I competed against you. I, uh, well, I didn't make the podium, but I came in fourth. We met the day before it started. JJ was asking me to go eat with him and his fiancée, and you said to me 'what's with you, asshole?'” Otabek laughed, as if it was endearing that Yuri had been a total dick to him.

“I don't remember that at all,” Yuri admitted. That year he'd been way too distracted by his crush on JJ. He had seen on Instagram that JJ had a girlfriend, but that day had been the first time he'd actually met her. On top of that, he'd just found out they were engaged. He'd been so upset that he'd spent the rest of the night in his room, instead of exploring Barcelona.

“It's okay. I didn't ever properly introduce myself. I was planning to introduce myself to you at Worlds the season after, but of course that's when you announced your break.” Otabek looked sad for a moment, then he smiled softly. “I heard you're making your comeback next season. I look forward to seeing you perform again.”

“Thanks,” Yuri muttered. He had to admit that he felt a little better now. Otabek had distracted him from his disappointing thoughts, and Yuri felt that if he had one more drink, he'd feel as good as new. “Want to grab a drink with me?” he asked.

“Sure,” Otabek said. “But I've only got about ten minutes before I have to go back to my station.”

“Plenty of time.”

Yuri and Otabek sat at the bar with their drinks in hand. “So how did you become friends with JJ?” Otabek asked.

The words stung. So JJ had introduced him as just a friend, after all. Yuri shrugged, quick to hide his disappointment. “We had a friendly rivalry going during figure skating, and he kept in touch with me over my break.”

“That's nice.”

“What about you?”

Otabek laughed. “I don't think me and JJ are actually friends. He just thinks I'm really cool because I DJ and make great mixes. It's more like he wants to be my friend, but I just consider him an annoying acquaintance.”

That made Yuri feel a little better. If they weren't truly friends, it made sense why JJ wouldn't confide in him. “He can be a handful,” Yuri admitted.

Otabek looked behind him, his gaze darting to the DJ booth. “Looks like I'd better get back to work. Hey, have you ever seen DJ equipment?”

Yuri shook his head.

“Want to come see it up close?”

“Sure,” Yuri said. It wasn't like he had anything better to do.

Otabek showed him his fancy mixing board and let Yuri pick out a few songs for him to play. They joked and laughed, and as the night wore on, Yuri felt more and more at ease. It was comfortable being around Otabek. He seemed like a really reliable guy, and he had the best taste in music.

 

Artwork by [@mita4real](https://mita4real.tumblr.com/) [(full size)](https://68.media.tumblr.com/09f5394601c09b98c322452be08f9466/tumblr_oq80yam2r61vmdkdeo1_1280.jpg)

 

“I DJ at a lot of venues in St. Petersburg,” Otabek said. “You should follow my Instagram so you can come to more of them.”

“Yeah, I'd like that.” Yuri pulled his phone out of his boot. “What's your username?”

Otabek laughed. “Nice place to keep your phone.”

“Where else am I supposed to put it?” Yuri said, holding out his arms to reveal his lack of pockets anywhere.

“Is your wallet in your other boot?” Otabek asked.

“And if it is?”

Otabek put a hand on his shoulder. “Calm down. I think it's clever. Now, my Instagram is DJAltinBeats.”

Yuri punched in the letters on his phone and pulled up his page. He hit the 'follow' button instantly and then glanced at the description. _DJ Altin. 21-year-old DJ from Kazakhstan. Gay. Follow my Instagram to see where I'll be DJing next._ Yuri's eyes moved back to the word _gay_. “The fuck?” he muttered without realizing it.

“What? Are you surprised I'm from Kazakhstan? Or...is it because I'm gay?” Otabek raised an eyebrow.

“No. It's just...why don't you hide it? Why is it on your public Instagram?”

“Why should I hide it? I'm out to my family and friends. Besides, how can I meet gorgeous men if I don't let them know my preferences?”

Yuri had met JJ without either of them coming out to the world, but he supposed that sort of luck didn't happen for everyone. His heart was pounding in his chest, but he forced his breathing to slow. “I'm sorry. I wasn't criticizing you. Just made me feel a little jealous, I guess.”

“Jealous? So wait, you really are gay?”

Yuri felt a rush of happiness. He liked when people could tell without him saying anything. It just made everything easier. “Yeah. What gave it away?”

Otabek chuckled and ran his eyes over Yuri's legs. “Leopard-print leggings.”

Yuri rolled his eyes, but he laughed too. The alcohol was certainly making him feel giddy, and he felt wonderful that he didn't have to hide anything around Otabek. He could talk about gay things. He could talk about... No, wait. He couldn't talk about JJ. That would be outing JJ, and he swore he'd never do that to him.

Otabek pulled out his phone, tapped it a few times, then smiled. “There. I've followed you back.”

“But my account is private,” Yuri said.

“Yeah, so you should accept my request. That way we can message each other and stuff.”

Yuri nodded. “Right. Good idea.”

“So cute,” Otabek said.

Yuri, startled, hurriedly grabbed his phone to see which pic he meant. It was just a picture of his cat. False alarm. “Yeah, that's my cat.”

“I have one too,” Otabek said and pulled up a picture on his phone of a fluffy white cat.

“She looks so soft!” Yuri exclaimed. “Oh my gosh, she's adorable.”

“Sadly I couldn't bring her with me, but my parents are taking good care of her.”

Yuri thought of his cat alone at the apartment. She could get on by herself, but he couldn't remember if he'd left out food for her. He quickly texted JJ.

_Yuri: Did you feed the cat today?_

_JJ: No. Thought it was your turn._

“Fuck.”

“What's wrong?” Otabek asked.

“I need to feed my cat. So, uh, I'll be heading home for the night. Thanks for showing me all the DJ gadgets.” He gestured towards the mixing board.

Otabek chuckled. “No problem. Go tend to your cat, and I hope to see you at my gig next weekend.”

“I'll try to make it. See you later.” Yuri waved awkwardly and rushed away, his stomach still filled with butterflies. Maybe it was just the alcohol...

…

When he reached his apartment, he fed his mewling cat and went to his bed. He fell asleep within moments and had dreams of a dark club with a handsome stranger, but by the time he woke up in the morning, he'd completely forgotten the dreams and only felt the aching longing that JJ still had not returned home.

Yuri lazily got up to take a shower and prepare a simple breakfast of jam on toast. He scrolled through his Instagram feed, but there were no updates from JJ's account. However, he did have a message from none other than Otabek Altin. Curiously he clicked on it and smiled to himself.

_Otabek: Your cat is lucky to have an owner who would leave a club in the middle of the night just to make sure he's fed._

_Yuri: My cat is sooooo spoiled, you have no idea._

_Otabek: Why didn't he get fed yesterday?_

Yuri paused as he stared at the screen. He couldn't just mention that it was his boyfriend's turn. Otabek would easily be able to find out that JJ was staying with him and then he'd put two and two together. JJ wouldn't be happy if his friend found out through Yuri, especially since he'd never told any of his Canadian friends about their relationship.

_Yuri: It was my roommate's turn to feed him. He's forgetful._

_Otabek: Oh yeah. JJ mentioned that he was staying with you for a couple months. That's really nice of you. I can't say I'd have done the same._

_Yuri: Do you live here?_

_Otabek: Yeah, I moved here last year. The nightlife scene is much better here than in Almaty._

_Yuri: Do you make a lot of money from DJing?_

_Otabek: Nope. I have a day job too. What about you? Do you work?_

_Yuri: Not yet. I'm trying to find a part-time job right now._

Yuri knew he should be asking for job applications around the city today, but JJ had promised to go with him. He'd rather wait until he could go too. Perhaps it was nerves. Perhaps it was fear that no one would hire a guy with long hair and only a Canadian high school diploma.

Whatever the reason, he spent the bulk of his day avoiding applying for jobs by playing video games and messaging Otabek. JJ didn't arrive until the sun had already set.

“I brought Chinese takeout,” he said, holding up a plastic bag stuffed to the brim.

The sweet smells drew Yuri from his spot on the couch and over to kiss his boyfriend. “Where have you been all day?” he asked, trying to sound curious instead of lonely.

“Training at the rink with my parents. Worlds is coming up fast.”

“You're really determined this year, huh?” Yuri commented.

JJ chuckled and kissed his temple. “I'm always determined. I've competed at Worlds five years in a row and still have yet to take home the gold. This is my year, babe.”

“Yeah, of course.” Yuri felt so silly for doubting him. It only made sense that JJ would want to train hard to win. He'd acted cocky back in Canada and perhaps even a bit lazy, but now he was taking the competition seriously. Yuri should be proud of him—he was—but he still felt the sting from being stood up the night before.

“So, how did job hunting go?” JJ asked as he set the table and pulled out the boxes of Chinese food.

“Oh, I didn't feel well this morning, so I didn't end up going.” That was as close to the truth as he could get without revealing his disappointment.

JJ set down the box of Kung Pao Chicken he'd been holding and came over to take Yuri's hands. “Physically sick or anxious?” His voice had turned soft, and his cool gray eyes held so much love and concern in them that Yuri couldn't lie.

“Anxious. I—I was scared to go alone.” Yuri looked down at his feet, ashamed now.

JJ tucked a strand of his hair behind his ear and tilted his chin up so he was forced to look into his eyes again. “You don't need to be scared, babe. You're a fierce tiger. Remember that. Remember the confidence you've felt before at skating competitions. You won gold at your senior debut Grand Prix Final. If you can do that, surely you can handle a little job interview.”

Yuri nodded, knowing that JJ had a point, but his throat felt dry and he couldn't bring himself to voice what he was really thinking. “I'm starving. I forgot to eat lunch.”

JJ sighed. “Well, it's a good thing I brought food then. But you really need to take care of yourself more.”

“I know.” After Worlds, JJ would go back to Canada and Yuri would have to take care of himself. It wasn't what Yuri wanted. If he'd had his way, he'd still be in Canada living with his boyfriend.

But any way he looked at it, that left him too dependent on JJ. Ever since he'd had his big nervous breakdown just before Worlds two years ago, Yuri had relied on JJ. He was so grateful to him, but also so scared that one day JJ would realize that he wasn't growing out of his coward phase, that he was never going to be that confident winner again.

The next couple days Yuri went out to halfheartedly search for a job. In short, he collected a lot of applications but filled out very few of them. JJ was busy training all during the day and didn't return home until late at night. Yuri cooked both nights and put the leftovers in the fridge for JJ.

On the third night of this, JJ apologized and said he'd make it up to Yuri with a date the next night. Yuri's heart beat fast in anticipation. This was exactly what they needed—a nice romantic night together, where Yuri could forget his anxiety and he could be reassured of JJ's love for him.

Yuri picked out a nice dark-green collared shirt and black suit for the night. He'd gotten a manicure earlier that day in a nice little nail salon he'd discovered in the city. His face was clean-shaven and he'd pulled his hair back into a low ponytail.

“Maybe I should go like this to job interviews,” he said to his reflection. He did look quite sharp. JJ would definitely be surprised when he saw him. He'd even worn a bit of brown eyeliner to accentuate his green eyes.

Feeling that he looked as good as he possibly could, he grabbed his phone and wallet and headed outside to catch the bus. The whole way to the restaurant he was tapping his leg with excitement.

It had been so long since they'd had a date night. Even when they'd lived together in Canada, JJ had kept to casual dates when they went out. This fancy dinner was something entirely new. Perhaps because JJ knew almost no one in this city he was feeling less paranoid about being seen.

When Yuri arrived and gave JJ's name to the hostess, she escorted him through the fancy restaurant and to the private room at the back.

Yuri felt a pang of sadness that JJ wanted to hide them away in the private room, but he buried it deep within. He should feel lucky that JJ was treating him to such a nice evening. Once JJ entered, all his worries and doubts would disappear, just like they always did.

His phone rang, and he saw it was JJ calling. “Hey. Are you almost here?” he asked.

“Yuri. I'm really sorry, but there's been a family emergency. Grandpa had another heart attack. I've got to fly back to Canada on the next plane. We're not sure he'll make it this time, and I really need to see him before he goes.” The panic and tension was evident in JJ's voice.

“Should I come to?” Yuri asked. He wasn't particularly close to JJ's grandfather, but he wanted to give JJ his emotional support. He shouldn't have to deal with this alone. “I can meet you at the airport.”

“No,” JJ said. “I appreciate the offer, but you've got to focus on finding a job here. Don't worry about me. My parents are coming on the flight with me. I should only be gone for a few days. I'll be back on Monday at the latest.”

“Will you keep me updated?” Yuri held his breath.

“Of course, babe. Don't let your anxiety get to you this time. I'm not leaving you behind because I don't want your company. It's just that with how your grandpa went, I thought this might be too much for you. Stay here in Russia. Take care of yourself. I'll be back before you know it.”

Yuri nodded, even though JJ couldn't see it. He had a point. Yuri had become such a mess right after his grandfather died. Even though it still hurt that JJ was going away, he felt grateful that he was looking after him. “I love you,” he said.

“I love you too. Thanks for understanding.”

When the phone clicked off, the anxiety caught up to Yuri. He kept thinking about JJ's grandfather and reliving every moment they'd spent together. Shakily, he stood up and headed back into the main room of the restaurant. He didn't pay attention to anyone he passed. Even the music and murmur of voices faded into silence.

“Yuri!”

The voice shook him out of his trance and he turned, distracted by the yellow lights reflecting off the tabletops for a moment before his gaze landed on Otabek Altin.

Seated at a booth with a group of stylish men in their twenties, the DJ looked completely in his element. He waved to Yuri, gesturing for him to come over.

Yuri thought about turning and running out of the restaurant, but the other men had turned to look at him and he really didn't want to cause a scene. He walked to the booth and Otabek scooted over on the sapphire cushions to accommodate him.

Otabek introduced him to his friends, though Yuri forgot the names as soon as he heard them, and Otabek gave him a glass of wine.

The wine helped. Yuri felt himself calm down as he sat pretending to listen to conversations he didn't really understand. The other guys seemed to be part of a band.

After the meal, Otabek offered to walk Yuri to the bus stop. They took a seat at the bench to wait. No one else was nearby.

“So, what were you doing alone in a fancy restaurant dressed like that?” Otabek asked.

Yuri looked down at his clothes, at a loss for how to explain this without getting into specifics.

“Oh my god. You're wearing eyeliner. This was a date, wasn't it? Someone stood you up.”

“Something like that,” Yuri mumbled, not wanting to talk about it.

“Who was the guy?” Otabek asked casually.

“I can't say.”

“Ah...” Otabek gave him a knowing look. “He's in the closet, eh? Hm, to be able to afford a place like that, he'd have to be pretty rich. A politician's son perhaps?”

“Perhaps.” Yuri twisted his hands together in his lap.

“He's an idiot,” Otabek said.

Startled, Yuri looked up at him. “What?”

“He'd have to be to miss out on a date with you.”

Yuri shook his head. “No, it's not like that. He had a good reason. I'm not mad at him.”

“Oh? So you're going to see him again?”

“Maybe.” Yuri bit his lip. It was true that JJ seemed a lot more distant lately, but it was just because he was so focused on Worlds. And now he had to deal with his grandfather...

“You seem really upset. What's going on?”

Yuri hesitated. Every time he'd tried to talk to JJ about what was really bothering him, he got shut down before he even started. But Otabek barely knew him. Maybe it would be better to talk to a near-stranger.

“Are you worried about me telling the press? I can promise you your secrets are safe with me. I know what it's like being in the public eye, and I wouldn't wish any of my personal business to get out.”

The words instantly eased some of Yuri's worries, and he decided to take the chance because the words were about to burst out of him anyways. “I don't want to go back to competitive skating.”

“Why?” Otabek sounded so calm, not at all surprised like Yuri had expected. He watched him patiently with those dark brown eyes as if he had all the time in the world.

“It's hard to explain exactly, but I guess I should start with how skating was in the beginning for me. My family wasn't very well off, so all the money I made at competitions went to them. I worked so hard so that they'd be taken care of, even if I couldn't give them any luxuries. All through my junior days and my first season in the senior division, I competed to support them. Sure I enjoyed the taste of winning, but it was more about the money.”

Otabek nodded. “That's understandable.”

“Fuck. I'm making myself sound like a total asshole. I did enjoy skating and making art and that whole growing-as-a-skater thing. And I still love skating, don't get me wrong, but skating competitively has always stressed me out.”

“Oh, yes. That's something I don't miss.”

“What?”

“The stress.”

“No, I mean what you're saying... I assumed you were still competing. Did you quit or just retire early?”

Otabek sighed. “Neither, actually. I injured my knees, so I physically can't perform jumps anymore. Which means no more competitions for me.”

“Oh, shit. How long has it been?”

“About a year. I got injured right before Worlds last year.”

“I'm so sorry. If only we could trade places, then you could compete again.”

“I don't want to compete again.”

Yuri perked up. “Why not?”

“I am a very firm believer in 'things happen for a reason.' Because I stopped skating, I was able to DJ more often, meet interesting people, and travel around the world. I didn't realize how hollow my life was until I actually started living, you know? Being adventurous. I've always had wild friends, but I had to be responsible because of my skating career. Now I can have fun and not feel guilty. It was so freeing for me.”

“I had trouble two years ago before Worlds. My parents had died in an accident the year before and my grandpa had a heart attack a week before the competition. He was put in the hospital, and my coach convinced me to stay in Italy for Worlds. I'd had several panic attacks before performances in the past, but this time I had a full-on nervous breakdown. I couldn't focus enough to do simple jumps, and I just wanted to quit skating for good. My friend convinced me to take a couple of years off instead. A lot of skaters did that at my age. The press didn't think anything of it, just another skater trying to finish his schooling before he went back to skating.”

“Did you want to go back then?”

“Maybe. I don't know. I kind of did that thing where I just didn't think about it. At school, I participated in the skating club and took private lessons, but I didn't compete anywhere. It was just to keep up my skating skills. No pressure. Just enjoying my time on the ice. I loved it. It was everything I loved about skating before the stress got so bad.”

“Why are you still planning to make a comeback?”

Yuri froze, eyeing Otabek in shock. “You don't care if I return to skating?”

Otabek smiled softly. “It doesn't matter what I think. No one else should influence your decisions, Yuri. This is your life. Do what will make you happy. Even if you don't return to competitions, you can still do ice shows and skate for fun. It isn't like you're abandoning a sport you love. You'd just be choosing to do it in a less stressful environment. Trust me, your mental health is much more important than how many medals you can win in your skating career.”

“But I'm supposed to be strong. It's weak to give up without trying again.”

“Who told you that? It's weaker to decide to do something you don't want to just because other people tell you to. True strength is following your own heart.”

Yuri giggled. “You sound like you're quoting a movie.”

“Hey, movies use lines like that for a reason. They ring with truth.”

“Thank you for listening to me,” Yuri said. “I'm sorry it was so much. I have issues with anxiety, but I haven't found a good therapist here yet.” While that was true, Yuri neglected to mention that the reason he'd never found a therapist was because he'd basically been using his boyfriend as a therapist. Now that he thought about it, it might not be a bad idea to find a professional to talk to about these things.

“I know one,” Otabek said. “She's not my therapist, but my friend sees her, and I hear she's very good with LGBT issues too. If you want, I can send you her office number.”

Yuri nodded his head. “Yes, I'd like that very much. God, she's going to think I'm a mess.”

Otabek chuckled. “Everyone is a bit of a mess. My therapist sure had his work cut out for him in the beginning.”

“You see someone?”

“There's no shame in seeing a therapist, Yuri. It isn't a sign of weakness or anything; it's a source of strength. I wouldn't be where I am today without the help of mine. What? Why do you seem so surprised?”

“Nothing. It's just you seem so well put together.”

“You'll get there too,” Otabek assured him and patted his knee.

Lights streaked across Yuri's vision and he almost didn't notice that the bus had pulled up. “Oh, that's my ride.”

“I'll see you this weekend?” Otabek asked.

Confused, Yuri twisted his face. “What?”

“The gig. I'll let you chill in the DJ booth again if you want.” He waved goodbye to Yuri as he got onto the bus. “Oh, I forgot to tell you something,” Otabek said.

Yuri turned back. “What?”

“You look really nice tonight.”

…

True to his word, Yuri contacted the therapist and made an appointment for Friday afternoon. He figured he could at least talk about how he was worried for JJ's grandfather, even if he didn't have the courage to bring up his sexuality or his desire to leave competitive figure skating for good.

When he arrived at the office, he was a bundle of nerves, but the receptionist was really kind and he only had to wait a few minutes to be seen.

The therapist's name was Ms. Yulia. She asked him basic questions about his family and his friends. Yuri talked freely about the deaths of his parents and his grandfather. He talked about how his friend JJ's grandfather had a heart attack and he was filled with worry about him.

Ms. Yulia asked him what methods he had to calm down when anxiety got bad. He said he'd usually play video games, cook, or shower. If JJ was there, he would sometimes talk to him about it.

“Do you trust your friend JJ?” she asked.

Yuri paused, mulling over the words in his head. He trusted JJ more than anyone in the world, but even so, there were so many things he didn't feel like he could tell JJ. “I trust him, but I worry about disappointing him.”

“Why is that?” she asked. Her brown eyes were compassionate, and she seemed attentive but not overbearing.

“I guess it's because he's done so much for me. In Canada, he let me live with him for free. He pretty much paid my school tuition and my plane ticket to move back here. He's never asked for anything in return.”

“Have you given him anything in return?”

“Of course. I've cooked for him many times. I take care of our cat and keep the house tidy. I may not give him money, but it's still an equal friendship.”

Ms. Yulia nodded. “That's good. I've just seen situations like this a lot where one friend becomes dependent on another. That can be very unhealthy for a person, for both of you actually.”

 _It's equal; I love him_ , Yuri wanted to say, but he kept quiet about it. He wanted to wait until he was sure he liked this therapist before he got into such personal information.

They talked about Yuri's anxiety over finding a job. Ms. Yulia came up with some strategies to help him gain more confidence in that, and even told him that he was welcome to bring some job applications to his next session so she could supervise him while he filled them out.

They scheduled another appointment for next Friday afternoon and then he was free to go. He felt at ease as he walked to the bus stop. Otabek was right. Just talking about his problems had helped take a huge weight off his shoulders. And it also made him realize that he really needed to talk to JJ about competitive skating. The sooner, the better. In person though. So he'd at least have to wait until JJ returned.

…

On Saturday morning, Yuri received a text from JJ.

_JJ: Grandfather is recovering. He's going to be okay, Yuri! OMG I'm so happy you have no idea. I'll be flying back tomorrow. Can't wait to see you, my love._

_Yuri: I'm so relieved to hear that. See you soon, kitten. <3_

…

That night Yuri went to the club where Otabek was DJing. He had much more fun this time. He felt free—relieved that JJ's grandfather was okay and relieved from talking to the therapist. He drank a lot more than he should have and spent some time dancing with Otabek.

The lights were flashing so bright that Yuri felt like he was in another world. Otabek came close to him, eyes bright, lips curled into a smile.

“Ever hear from your rich boyfriend?” he yelled over the music.

Yuri giggled. “The politician's son? Nope. Not a word.”

“His loss. Come on, I'm feeling like another shot.”

“Great idea.”

The pair made their way to the bar, but after that shot, Yuri started to feel sick. He ended up heading home early. Otabek insisted on walking him to the bus stop and even riding with him to his apartment so he could make sure he made it home safely. Yuri was pleased to have a friend that would look out for him like that. Before Otabek left, he asked Yuri if they could hang out on Wednesday, and Yuri promised that he would meet him at a cafe near his apartment.

…

As Yuri slept, he felt the weight on the bed shift. Probably his cat. He reached to pet the creature without opening his eyes, but his hand was captured by another hand.

“Hello, sleeping beauty.”

Yuri blinked, the light way too bright, and his boyfriend slowly came into focus. “JJ?” His head felt like someone had taken a hammer to it and bashed in his skull.

“I'm back. I can't believe you're sleeping past noon. Have you forgotten what day it is?”

Yuri stared at him blankly.

JJ pulled a professionally wrapped present from behind his back and placed it on the bed. “Happy nineteenth birthday, my love.” He kissed Yuri's cheek.

Eyeing JJ suspiciously, Yuri untied the fancy ribbon. When he opened the box, he wasn't at all surprised to find a tiger-print thong inside. He held it up as if it were a rat. “Are you expecting me to wear this?”

JJ winked. “I got a matching one.” He pushed down the corner of his pants to reveal the thin black line of the lingerie.

Yuri pushed JJ's shoulder teasingly. “It's too early for cats to be playing.”

“Well then. I guess we should eat some lunch. I brought your favorite. Come on.” JJ jerked his head towards the door.

Yuri got up and the room swayed for a moment, but he steadied himself and headed to the kitchen. Swiftly he added an ibuprofen to his morning pills, hoping it would dull the pounding headache. He couldn't believe he'd forgotten his own birthday.

JJ proudly showed him the Chinese takeout and insisted on serving Yuri his portion since it was his birthday after all. While they ate, JJ chatted about his time in Canada and his grandfather's health. Afterwards, JJ revealed his true present for Yuri: _Dragon Age 5._ The game had only been released a week ago.

They spent the rest of the afternoon in the living room with Yuri playing the game and JJ watching cuddled up on the couch beside him. Things felt normal again. They ordered a pizza for dinner and then took a shower together. Yuri felt comfortable initiating the kissing this time, and he had to admit that his birthday sex was the best sex he'd had in a long time.

Afterwards, he and JJ relaxed on the bed. Yuri sat up while JJ leaned on his side and traced patterns on Yuri's leg. “You should get a tattoo right here. How about a tiger or a lion?”

Yuri giggled, feeling at ease. “Maybe I'll get your name tattooed in a heart,” he joked.

“Wouldn't it be nice to get our wedding rings tattooed around our fingers?”

Yuri's breath caught. “Wedding rings?”

JJ smiled, but he wouldn't meet Yuri's eyes. He still traced the spot on his leg, which now made Yuri shiver with pleasure. “If only we could get married. It's legal in Canada, you know.”

“It's a nice dream,” Yuri admitted. He was feeling good, better than he had the past month. He felt as if he could finally say what he needed to say. Hopefully this time JJ would listen.

“I started seeing a therapist,” Yuri said.

JJ raised an eyebrow. “Oh? What did you talk about?”

“Don't worry. I didn't tell her you were my boyfriend.”

“It's okay if you do. Therapists are sworn to secrecy, right? Just don't mention that I'm a famous figure skater.” JJ laughed, then stopped when he noticed the serious look on Yuri's face. “I'm sorry. So tell me what's bothering you. Is it the job thing?”

“That's part of it,” Yuri admitted. “And of course I was worried about your grandfather. There's also something that I didn't talk about with her yet, but I wanted to talk to you about it first.”

“Oh yeah? What's that?”

Yuri took a deep breath. “Skating competitively. I was wondering if going back is really the right thing to do.”

“Of course it's the right thing to do,” JJ said without hesitation. “You've had two years to recuperate. Waiting longer isn't going to make it any better.”

“No. What if I just don't go back to competing?”

“You mean give up?”

“No, that's not—” Yuri's voice broke. It was playing out exactly as he had feared. “It's not giving up if I don't want to do it anymore.”

“You're just in a bad place right now. You're afraid. That's totally understandable. But if you don't go back, you're just running away from your fears. That is no way to get over them.”

“Yeah, good point,” Yuri said because he could feel his anxiety rising, and he didn't want to ruin his birthday with words he couldn't take back.

“Maybe you could see if that shrink could prescribe you some pills for anxiety,” JJ suggested.

Yuri nodded, his throat gone dry. All of the happiness he'd felt that day had vanished into thin air. JJ didn't understand at all.

…

The next couple days were a bit awkward around the apartment. JJ didn't have to train because his parents hadn't come back from Canada yet. Yuri still wasn't sure how to act around him after their chat Sunday night. They watched TV together and cooked meals, but Yuri talked a lot less than he normally did.

On Wednesday, he was relieved that JJ was going back to training. His parents had returned to St. Petersburg the night before.

Yuri enjoyed the silence of the apartment and took a nice long bath in order to relax. He'd promised to meet Otabek at _Chantilly Cafe_ in the afternoon, so he left JJ a note saying that he would be out for a while and walked to the cafe.

Yuri worried that he'd gotten to the shop too early as he went inside. There wasn't much of a crowd at this time, and he didn't spot Otabek among the people sitting down. He took a seat along the wall, as far away from the window as possible, but near enough to the middle that he could see the door.

He wondered if he'd get a text saying he couldn't make it or maybe Otabek didn't remember inviting him since he'd been a little tipsy as well. These worries played through his head until the door opened and Otabek stepped through looking so cool that Yuri nearly lost his breath. He was wearing tight black jeans, a leather jacket, and a ripped tank top underneath.

Otabek spotted him, waved a hand, and headed over to sit across from him.

“Is this how you normally dress?” Yuri asked.

Otabek laughed. “Yeah. I can't really wear leather in the clubs though because it gets so hot. What about you?”

Yuri looked down at his own outfit. He hadn't really put much thought into it. A faded purple v-neck shirt, black skinny jeans, and combat boots. It was a comfy look for him, not trying too hard to be fashionable or impress anyone. He shrugged casually. “My leopard-print leggings are too sexy for daylight hours,” he joked.

Otabek snorted. “What about the tiger-print ones you wore Saturday night?”

“Well, I haven't done the laundry yet, so I couldn't have worn those.” Yuri laughed. He was startled for a moment at how easy it was to feel happy and comfortable around Otabek. Things had been so tense at home lately, so he found this to be very refreshing.

They ordered a light dinner and coffee and spent the afternoon chatting until the sky dipped into evening.

“I like this place. I'll have to come here more often,” Yuri commented. “I still can't believe it's close enough for me to walk.”

“We should meet here again sometime. It's quite close to my day job. Speaking of jobs...” Otabek pointed behind Yuri. “I noticed that they're hiring here. Why don't you take an application?”

“Oh, I don't know. I've never worked at a cafe before.”

“Where have you worked?”

“Retail.” Yuri cringed. He'd hated working at the department store in Canada. People chose the ugliest clothing, and whenever he tried to give advice, the customers would just get angry at him. He had learned to speak to customers as little as possible.

“Judging from your face, I take it something new will be good for you. Come on, give it a shot. What's the worse that can happen? They don't hire you. No harm done. But if they do, you can try out a new line of work. And really, the location is amazing. You could walk to work. I am so jealous of that. It takes me almost an hour to get to work with all the traffic.”

“You know what? You're right. It can't hurt to ask.” Yuri stood before he could lose his nerve and went up to the counter to ask for an application. The lady seemed very excited as she ran to the back and emerged with a packet of papers. She told him to fill it out and bring it right back to her.

Yuri sat down at the table and plopped the papers onto the table, still stunned at how easy that was. She didn't give him any looks as if he were crazy for asking. She'd merely gotten him the application and asked him to fill it out now and turn it in moments later.

Otabek handed him a pen and smiled. “Good luck.”

Yuri wrote as quickly as he could, filling out all of his basic information and past work experiences. On the reference section, Otabek wrote down his name as a personal reference, and then all Yuri had to do was answer the essay question on why he wanted to work there.

“Just be honest,” Otabek said. “You want to try something new and you live within walking distance. And then add in how much you enjoyed the service and the food today.”

Yuri nodded and filled out the section, spending a little extra time describing how he'd never been able to find a decent coffee place in Canada, so he was relieved to find one here. Then he walked up to the counter, handed the application to the lady, and remembered to smile at the last minute.

“We'll be giving you a call,” she said. “It's just a simple phone interview, then if the manager likes you, we'll bring you in for a formal interview. Sound good?”

“Yeah.” Stunned, Yuri walked back to his seat. “So, apparently I'm going to have a phone interview.”

Otabek's eyes widened. “Congrats.”

“Is that unusual?”

Otabek shrugged. “Normally they spend weeks going over the applications, so this is much faster. It definitely looks good on your resume that you're fluent in English and French.”

Yuri nodded. Even if he didn't get the job, he felt proud of himself for going up there by himself and requesting the application. And he'd even turned it in this time!

“So, I was wondering how you felt about arcade games,” Otabek said.

Yuri's eyes widened. “Is there a place here for that?”

“A few blocks away. Come on, let's go have some fun.”

…

Their night of arcade games brought back joy to Yuri's life. He had considered himself the reigning champ of these games a few years ago, but Otabek was pretty tough competition. He slaughtered Yuri at the motorcycle driving game, but he kindly explained afterwards that he actually drove a motorcycle so he had an unfair advantage. Yuri crushed him at Dance Dance Revolution. Most of the other games they had to play several times because the winner kept changing.

By the time the arcade closed, Yuri was exhausted and ready to be back in the comfort of his bed.

Otabek walked beside him outside in the cool night air.

“The stars are really beautiful,” Yuri commented, staring up at the vast expanse. “I missed this sky. One of the few things I missed about St. Petersburg.” Then he glanced at Otabek. “Sorry, I probably sound crazy. It's the same sky, right? How can I miss the sky?”

“No, no,” Otabek said with a soft smile. “I understand. I miss the Almaty sky, but I'll admit, this sky is pretty nice too.” He stepped closer and pointed out his favorite constellation.

Yuri turned to ask him a question, but Otabek was closer than he had realized. They met eyes, and neither one said a word. Otabek closed the distance and planted a soft kiss on Yuri's lips.

A pleasant feeling spread through him, and then he realized what was happening, what he was doing. He stepped backwards, away from the kiss. “What the fuck? Why did you do that?”

Otabek looked confused. “You're gay. I'm gay. I like you. I thought you liked me.”

“I didn't mean it like it was gross or anything. Just...well, I'm flattered that you like me and all, but I can't be in a relationship with you.”

“Why not? Still holding out for your rich guy?”

Yuri shrugged. “I don't know.” It was true. He wasn't sure if he wanted to keep dating JJ. The therapist's words kept repeating in his head about their relationship being unhealthy. There was definitely an imbalance. Maybe it could be fixed, maybe not, but he had to work that out with JJ before he considered dating anyone else.

“Well then answer me this. Hypothetically, if you were to get over your rich guy, would you ever consider dating me?”

Yuri bit his lip. He really did not want to answer that question, but it was too easy for the words to slip out. “Yes, of course. You're really cool and nice to be around. But I can't be with you now, okay?”

Otabek nodded. “All right. I can accept that. We can just be friends now. I have no problem with that. I'll admit I was taking things pretty fast, but only because I thought you wanted me to.”

“Thank you for understanding,” Yuri said, relief washing through him in waves. The last thing he wanted was to lose Otabek's friendship over a simple kiss.

…

When Yuri returned home, he found JJ already in bed, so he curled up next to him and wrapped his arms around him. JJ's eyelashes fluttered, and he opened his eyes and smiled at Yuri.

“My tiger has returned. Where did you run off to tonight?”

“Job hunting,” Yuri said, which wasn't entirely a lie. “There's a cafe near here. They said they'll call me for a phone interview.”

“Ooh, a cafe. Will you get to wear one of those sexy aprons?” he teased, pressing his body more closely against him.

Yuri raised an eyebrow. He had no idea what kind of cafes JJ had been to. “I'd probably just be preparing coffee and mopping floors or something. But it would be a start, and it's something I've never tried before.”

JJ yawned and nodded. “Sure, sure. You'll do great, tiger.”

Yuri really wanted to kiss JJ, but he was paranoid that he would be able to taste Otabek on his lips somehow. He pried himself away from JJ and went to the bathroom to brush his teeth. Then he curled up in bed with his boyfriend again. He thought about telling him about the kiss, how his friend had misunderstood, maybe even turned it into some joke, but with the instability of their relationship lately, he was worried that JJ wouldn't believe him and would accuse him of cheating.

It wasn't cheating...was it? He'd pulled away as soon as he'd come to his senses, and he'd told Otabek to stop. Surely that didn't count.

…

The next day Yuri was determined to have a special evening with JJ. He would prepare his favorite meal, and when JJ got back from practice, they could shower together and then cuddle up for a romantic night in. He really needed to put more effort into his relationship with JJ. Otherwise it would all fall apart, and it would be his fault.

He spent hours cooking, and then he put up the apron—just the apron—and waited on the couch for JJ to return.

His phone buzzed, and he reached over to pull it off the table, expecting another bit of junk mail, but it was a message from JJ. He could already feel the disappointment even before he opened it.

Sure enough JJ had canceled to have dinner with his parents again. Why did he keep eating dinner with his parents anyways? They'd never eaten together back in Canada.

Yuri wondered for a moment if maybe JJ was the one cheating on him. He even pulled out Instagram to check the selfie king's feed. A photo from two minutes ago of JJ sitting in a restaurant showed at the top. _Dinner with the 'rents #aftertrainingmeal #preparingforworlds #aimingforgold_

So he was telling the truth. Yuri sighed in relief and lay back on the couch, staring at the ceiling absently. What was he to do tonight? He didn't really feel like contacting Otabek, not after the awkward kiss the night before, and he wasn't in the mood to see Viktor either. That left video gaming. He'd enjoy his night with his fictional friends in Thedas.

…

The ringing phone woke up Yuri at nine in the morning, and he answered the phone with a sleepy “hello.”

“Hi, this is Alexei from _Chantilly Cafe_. May I speak to Yuri Plisetsky?”

Yuri sat bolt upright in the bed. He flipped on his light switch and noticed that JJ had come home for the night. “Yes, this is Yuri,” he said as he walked into the living room.

The conversation with the manager went by smoothly. Yuri merely had to answer his questions and show enthusiasm for wanting the job. At the end of the call, the manager asked when he could meet him for a formal interview. Yuri scheduled it for Monday morning so he could get it over with as soon as possible.

Without even thinking about it, he texted Otabek that his phone interview had gone well and that he had a formal interview on Monday. Otabek's reply caught him off guard.

_Otabek: That's great, Yuri! Would you want me to be at the cafe during your interview? Just for moral support. I could sit in the corner and drink coffee, pretend to read the newspaper like an old man._

_Yuri: That's a kind offer, but I think I've got this. Thanks._

Yuri felt that rush of happiness again. Otabek was looking out for him. He wondered if JJ would do the same. Actually, he was just stupid enough to put that to the test.

When JJ awoke an hour later, Yuri told him about the job interview and asked if JJ would come for moral support.

JJ raised an eyebrow. “You want me to come to your job interview? I can't do the interview for you, you know.”

“No, I just mean you can get coffee and be in the restaurant during my interview. You wouldn't have to say anything.”

JJ put a hand on Yuri's shoulder. “Yuri, I love you, but you really need to do these things on your own. You can't rely on me for everything.”

“I'm not saying that I need you there, just that I would like to have you around during my interview.”

“Look, I'm not saying I don't want to support you. This is for your own good, really. You'll become stronger if you do this alone.”

“Why is everything always about me getting stronger? Why can't I be vulnerable sometimes?” Yuri asked, on the verge of tears. “What's so wrong about wanting the support of my boyfriend?”

JJ sighed. “I'm not trying to start a fight, okay? I believe that you have to fake it until you make it. That's the only way you'll gain the confidence that you need.”

“What if I'd feel more confident with you there?” Yuri asked.

“That's not how this works. You have to do things in your own way.”

“Yuri style?” He stared at him in disbelief.

JJ nodded. “Exactly. I'm glad you understand. For a moment there you had me worried.”

“I need to go take a shower before my therapy session,” Yuri said. He walked casually, trying to hide the shakiness he felt throughout his whole body. Once he closed the bathroom door behind him, he collapsed to the tiled floor and cried. Why couldn't JJ understand? He was so caught up in the rules of JJ style that he couldn't see that other people worked differently. Yuri style wasn't the carbon copy of JJ style.

…

At his therapy session, he spent the full first half talking about his phone interview. His therapist said she was glad he had a friend like Otabek. This reminded Yuri of the turmoil at home, and even though it was only his second week seeing her, he felt like he had to tell her. JJ had already given him permission to talk about their relationship, so there was no reason to hold back.

He told her everything. From his breakdown before Worlds years ago to his argument with his boyfriend this morning.

She was silent for a long moment before she spoke. “I know you two have been together for a long time, and somehow these issues weren't a problem before. Was it something that just started happening recently or did you maybe not care about them before?”

Yuri thought about it. “I think that he was very careful around me during the first year after my breakdown. He didn't want to trigger me or anything. But now it's like he's tired of me being a loser—I am too—so he's trying to force me to fit his mold, if that makes sense.”

“And what's wrong with his mold?”

“Nothing's wrong with it exactly. It's just not what I want.”

“So he's not being cruel to you. He just doesn't understand your wants.”

“Yeah, basically. And I feel like he values strength and bravery a lot, so he's trying to get rid of the cowardly parts of me.”

“Do you think you're a coward?”

“In some ways, yes. But not for the things that he calls me a coward for. I think it's cowardly that it took me so long to actually apply for a job. Cowardly that I'm afraid to tell my boyfriend what I really want out of skating. Cowardly that I can't just live my life the way I want to.”

“But deciding not to go back to competitive skating is not cowardly.”

“Right. It's a decision that I have a right to make.”

Ms. Yulia smiled. “I think we've had a very productive day. If you can, I want you to try to work out one of the problems with your boyfriend. It doesn't have to be the biggest one. It can be about how he doesn't give you enough warning when he cancels on you. Or how he keeps forgetting to feed the cat. One problem at a time, okay?”

…

The next problem hit Yuri like a ton of bricks. He had a meeting with Yakov on Saturday afternoon, but it hadn't gone very well. Everything Yakov said had just brought up old memories. Yuri was feeling sick to his stomach as he got back onto the bus and headed home.

He ran inside his apartment and to the bathroom to vomit in the toilet.

“Yuri?”

He jumped in the air, turning to see JJ. He hadn't even noticed him on his dash to the toilet. “What is it?”

“That's what I want to know,” JJ said, nodding at the toilet of vomit. “Yuri, are you bulimic?”

“No, no, I'm not. Why do you suddenly care now?” The tears came in a seemingly unstoppable torrent. Yuri stood and flushed the toilet, then walked into the bedroom and sat on his bed.

JJ sat beside him and put his arms around him. “What's wrong, babe? Come on. Talk to me about it.” He stroked Yuri's cheek gently, murmuring soothing sounds.

Yuri decided to bite the bullet. “I met with Yakov today. I don't think I can do this, JJ. Everything here is exactly like before. I wish I'd never come back here.”

“You liked Canada that much?” JJ asked.

He wasn't arguing, which surprised Yuri. “Of course. I loved Canada. I got to be with you all the time. The only thing I didn't like...” Yuri paused, wondering if he should continue. “...was how I couldn't be open about dating you.”

“I'm sorry, babe,” JJ said, pulling him closer. “I didn't mean to make you feel unwanted. Believe me, I would love to tell everyone about you, but coming out is a process. Everyone I know except you has believed I'm straight my entire life, so this is a lot bigger for me, you know?”

“Yeah,” Yuri said. “I understand. Really, I do. It's just hard to keep secrets all the time. I don't like lying to people.”

“Just give me more time, okay?”

Yuri nodded and kissed JJ's cheek. He couldn't believe how easy this conversation had been. He'd been expecting JJ to get mad, but he seemed to understand that he just wanted everything to go back to how it was before.

He had signed the lease for only three months, so maybe he could move back to Canada afterwards. There was hope for them yet.

…

Yuri got the job. The manager, Alexei, was only a few years older than him and shared a lot of the same interests, so the interview had been as easy as talking to a friend. He told Yuri he could start there the next day and Yuri graciously accepted the offer.

...

With Worlds only two weeks away, JJ became busier than ever before. Thankfully Yuri had his job at the cafe to keep him occupied. After getting the job, he'd finally called Otabek and the two made plans to hang out again. The awkwardness had faded away in the wake of his excitement at getting the job. They acted like regular friends, and he found himself becoming comfortable in Otabek's company again.

Yuri stopped going to Otabek's gigs after his last drunken escapade, but he saw him often enough on his days off.

The week before Worlds, Yuri and Otabek went to the Oceanarium since Otabek told Yuri he'd never been before. Yuri was excited to show him all the fish and to do some shopping of his own afterwards.

As they stood before a tank of jellyfish, Otabek turned to Yuri. “Since I'm not competing at Worlds, did you want to go with me?” Otabek asked. “We could sit together, I mean, and I can update you on all the skaters this season.”

“How did you know I haven't been keeping up?” Yuri tapped the glass, mesmerized by the translucent creatures.

Otabek laughed. “You didn't know who Kenjirou Minami was. You even competed with him in the junior division.”

“I honestly don't remember him. He must not have been very good.” Yuri shrugged and threw Otabek a cocky grin.

“Well, he's really good now. One of the top contenders.”

“JJ will beat him,” Yuri said confidently.

Otabek chuckled. “Yeah, then he can stop sleeping on your couch like a loser. Send him back to Canada.”

“Why don't you like him?” Yuri asked, suddenly struck by curiosity.

“Quite a few different reasons,” Otabek said as they walked to the squid tank. “First, he's one of those obnoxious straight boys that has to remind you they're straight by flirting with every female in sight. Second, he assumes he knows everyone. He's so quick to judge and maintains very firm ideas of who you're supposed to be.”

Yuri nodded. He could see how Otabek had interpreted JJ that way. The former was completely false, but the latter rang with such truth. “Is that all?” he asked.

Otabek shook his head and took a deep breath. “The reason I hate him the most is because he beat me up after I kissed him.”

Yuri whirled away from the tank to face him. “What!?”

“It was a long time ago,” Otabek said. “I was seventeen maybe. We skated at the same rink in Canada, and I thought he was really cool because he skated differently than everyone else. He had his own style, something I'd been trying so hard to develop myself. I even tried copying him a little bit, but it never came out the same. Anyways, around that time I realized I had feelings for him. I knew he'd never like me back, but I saw him skating alone one day after practice. He looked so beautiful. I—I just couldn't help but run up to him. I don't really know why I kissed him, but it felt right in the moment.”

Yuri wondered why JJ had never told him. He'd mentioned that he'd kissed a guy once before, but he never said it was a friend. “And he beat you up?”

“Well, he punched me, and I fell pretty hard on the ice. Afterwards, he said he didn't want me there anymore, so I decided to move back to Almaty to train at my home rink.”

“Why is he trying to be friendly with you now?” Yuri asked, confused.

Otabek snorted. “He's a weird guy. He acts as if that kiss never happened. I think he only wants to be friends with me because of my style and connections.”

“Maybe.” Yuri could guess the truth though. JJ probably felt guilty about what he'd done in the past when he was so deep in denial. He wouldn't outright apologize, but he wanted to make up for it by giving Otabek his friendship.

“Has he been mean to you at all?” Otabek asked. “I wondered if he was homophobic or if he was just upset because I kissed him.”

“He teased me when I was his competition, calling me lady and stuff, but he's been nice ever since I left.”

Otabek nodded. “He seemed to get nicer when I stopped competing too. Hm, maybe he isn't such a bad guy after all.”

Even though he wanted to tell Otabek that JJ was wonderful, Yuri kept silent, too afraid that he would accidentally out JJ or reveal his own feelings for him.

…

Finally, the day of the Figure Skating World Championship arrived. JJ had been practically living at the rink for the last few days, so Yuri hadn't seen him much lately. He managed to give JJ a small kiss in the empty bathroom before Yuri had to rush into the crowd to find Otabek. He was grateful that he wouldn't have to sit alone. His nerves were already threatening to overwhelm him, but he felt instantly relieved as he spotted Otabek and walked over to him.

They made their way into the arena, passing a group of women crowded around an Asian guy with blond hair and red bangs. Lights flashed as people took pictures of the boy.

Without thinking, Yuri latched on to Otabek's arm and turned his head into Otabek's shoulder, squeezing his eyes shut.

“Yuri?” Otabek nudged his shoulder. When Yuri didn't respond, Otabek took a detour and Yuri heard a door close behind him. He opened his eyes to see that they had popped into the bathroom.

“Sorry. I—it's just—”

“The cameras,” Otabek finished for him.

“Fuck, yeah. I forgot how much I hated the cameras.” Yuri rubbed at his watery eyes with the sleeve of his coat. It felt so weird to be at a skating event and not wearing his Russian team jacket.

“It's strange not being in the spotlight anymore, but I definitely don't miss it.”

Yuri nodded. “Me either. I always hated that part. Cameras, reporters, paparazzi, fangirls. I never wanted any of that. During my junior and senior division days, I tried so hard to present this image of a punk who was too cool to answer questions or pose for pictures, but really I just wanted to keep everyone at a distance. It stressed me out too much. I couldn't deal with it.”

“At least the cameras aren't on you this time.”

“Yeah, thank goodness. I don't think I'd be able to take that again.”

Otabek gave him a soft, reassuring smile. “It'll be okay today. All you have to do is sit back and watch the skating. I'll be there the whole time.”

Yuri squared his shoulders and lifted his chin. “All right. Let's head to our seats.”

The short program went by smoothly. JJ managed to place second, right after Viktor, who was competing for his last year. After the event, JJ invited Yuri and Otabek to join him and his parents for dinner.

It was nice to see JJ's parents again, and they seemed to feel the same, as they kept asking him questions about himself. Otabek chatted to JJ about music, but their conversation sounded a bit awkward even to Yuri's ears. JJ and Yuri ended up splitting a slice of cake for dessert because JJ's mom wouldn't let him eat a whole piece by himself. Competition diet and all that.

That night JJ stayed with his parents at the hotel again, so Yuri headed towards the bus stop alone. Otabek caught his arm.

“What is it?” Yuri asked, wondering if he'd forgotten something.

Otabek twirled a set of keys around his finger. “Why don't I give you a ride?”

Yuri had never been on a motorcycle before, but he felt a thrill at the idea of trying something new. Otabek handed him his spare helmet and he buckled it onto his head, then got on the bike.

“You might want to put your arms around me,” Otabek suggested. He revved the engine and took off.

Yuri hugged Otabek from behind, trying not to fall off the monster of a bike. He was scared at first, but the cool wind whipping across his face felt amazing, and he started to relax into the warmth of Otabek's back.

They didn't speak—it would've been hard to hear each other over the motorcycle anyways—but it was a soothing quiet, peaceful. Otabek dropped Yuri off with a simple goodnight and rode away into the distance.

…

The ladies' free skate and ice dancing competition took place the next day, but Yuri didn't feel up to going. It was just as well because he'd been scheduled to work that Friday.

Saturday was the big day when the men would compete in their free skate and the world champion would be crowned. Yuri was sure he was more nervous about it than JJ, even though he wasn't the one going up against Viktor Nikiforov. All the news reporters had pretty much decided that the winner would be one of those two and that Kenjirou Minami would take the bronze.

Yuri was rooting for JJ of course, but he still wished Viktor good luck when he passed him on the way to the arena. Thankfully Otabek was waiting for him, so he didn't have to walk past the paparazzi alone. They took their seats and waited for the event to start.

Otabek seemed interested in all of the performances, but Yuri couldn't bring himself to care until JJ took the ice. He looked stunning in his blue skating outfit designed to resemble a conductor's suit—glittering like a Christmas ornament.

The music started, and JJ skated his heart out. His moves were precise, but also fluid. He was focused enough to get all the moves, but also free enough to make it look effortless. He was a vision, bold and beautiful on the ice.

When the music ended and the crowd erupted into cheers and applause, Yuri realized he'd been holding his breath. He stood to clap with the others, and then sat back down, still feeling a little lightheaded. That was a gold-winning performance, no doubt about it.

His score broke the men's free skate world record. Viktor didn't even stand a chance. For the first time in his life, JJ won the World Championship.

The awards ceremony followed after the men's free skate, and Yuri watched proudly as JJ stood in the center of the podium, the gold medal around his neck. He couldn't wait to congratulate him in person. Cameras and reporters would be swarming JJ in the packed arena, though, so Yuri decided he'd rather meet JJ at the restaurant later.

He picked up the jacket he'd thrown onto his seat and put it back on. “We should just head outside,” Yuri said to Otabek, who nodded in understanding.

“Yuri, come over here!” a voice shouted from behind him. JJ stood several rows down on the flat part of the arena, surrounded by reporters.

Yuri glanced at the door, wanting nothing more than to leave, but JJ was waving at him now. The cameras had already turned towards him. He could give him a quick congratulations before the cameras, and then make a dash for it. Reluctantly he headed down the stairs to JJ.

The Canadian skater immediately wrapped an arm around Yuri and spun him around to face the reporters. “I have an announcement to make,” JJ said.

The reporters pressed in closer, microphones held out, cameras flashing wildly. It was enough to make Yuri feel sick to his stomach. He couldn't breathe. He just wanted to get out of there.

“Now that I've won Worlds, I feel ready to come clean about something. I'm sorry, ladies, but I'm gay. I have been dating Russian skater Yuri Plisetsky for two years now.” JJ snaked his hand up Yuri's back and planted a kiss on his lips.

Yuri was absolutely mortified. What the fuck was JJ doing? In front of everyone? The lights still made him feel dizzy. JJ's arm at his back was the only thing that kept him from toppling over.

“I'm also excited to announce that next season Yuri will be making his comeback. He's moving back to Canada with me, and my parents will coach him. We built a life together in Canada, so it's only right that he stay by my side.”

A bomb exploded in Yuri's mind. He blinked but the dots of light covered his vision. Somehow, he pushed away from JJ and stumbled out of the crowd as the reporters pressed in to ask JJ more questions. Yuri felt like collapsing right there, but he knew that if he did, more people would surround him. He just needed to be away from everyone.

He made it into the hallway and then to the bathroom before collapsing against the wall next to the sinks. His body shook as he sobbed. Emotions and thoughts too overwhelming for him to comprehend.

“Yuri, are you okay?”

A damp paper towel pressed against his forehead, and he tried to see the helper through the haze. It was no use though. He closed his eyes and focused on his breathing, tried to breathe the way his therapist had taught him.

Finally, he managed to open his eyes and saw that Otabek was crouched before him, his face filled with concern. “Hey there,” he said.

“Hey,” Yuri managed weakly.

“So...JJ was the rich guy, huh? I really didn't see that coming.” Otabek let out a nervous chuckle.

Yuri shrugged. “You just couldn't see him as anything other than straight.”

“Yeah, I'm still having a hard time wrapping my brain around it. He was in the closet before, so that's why you couldn't tell me?”

“I'm sorry.”

“No, don't be sorry. You were just following your boyfriend's request.” Otabek huffed, seeming agitated.

“Are you angry?” Yuri asked.

“Yeah.” He clenched his hands together, staring at his knuckles, then looked back at Yuri. “Oh, no. Not at you. I get it. I really do. I just—I'm confused about some things. You said you didn't want to go back to competitive figure skating, but JJ said you'll be making your comeback next season. Did you change your mind?”

“No,” Yuri said, shaking his head. He thought back to JJ's words. They hadn't once talked about the possibility of JJ's parents coaching him. How had JJ even gotten that idea into his head? And how could he have decided that on his own without consulting Yuri first? It was _his_ life, dammit!

“Then he just—”

“—decided for me? Yeah.” Yuri put a hand to his pounding forehead. He was still having trouble thinking. It was definitely JJ style to make his coming out as big as possible. That part didn't surprise him, even though he'd hated the attention and all the cameras. But how could JJ just decide for him when he'd seemed so understanding about Yuri not returning to skating before?

He had said that he missed Canada, yes, but he meant the life he'd had there with JJ, not the place itself. JJ probably thought he was giving Yuri the greatest gift. If he'd only talked to Yuri first and made sure they were on the same page...

“That's a pretty dick move, not gonna lie,” Otabek said. “How could he not know about your sensitivity to cameras? He just put you in front of a hoard of them.”

“JJ isn't so great at understanding other people,” Yuri admitted. “Or rather, I don't think he tries very hard at it. Like you said, he kinda decides how you are and expects you to be that way.”

“And you're okay with that?” Otabek asked, shocked. “Listen, I'm not just saying this because I like you. I'm saying this as your friend. Is JJ really the kind of person you should be dating?” Otabek stood up then. Clearly he didn't expect an answer. “I've got a gig tonight, so I need to go, but think about what I said. And if you ever need to talk, just let me know.”

Yuri pulled his knees close to himself as he watched Otabek go. He wondered if JJ would come and find him, like he'd done two years ago at Worlds. Would he comfort him like before, invite him into his home again? Or would he be so caught up in his big win that he forgot about Yuri entirely?

Yuri waited, but JJ didn't come.

Viktor ended up finding him. He helped Yuri out of the building, taking a back way so as to avoid reporters and their cameras. He'd become an expert at evading paparazzi over the years.

Not only did Viktor escort him home, but he also prepared Yuri dinner. They didn't talk much. Viktor seemed afraid to ask the questions, which suited Yuri just fine because he was in no mood to answer them.

Afterwards, Viktor headed home and Yuri took a nice long shower, not even minding when the water got cold. He settled into bed with a book on his lap, feeling the first bit of peace since JJ's big announcement. He still wasn't sure what to do about that. In this case, the cowardly option would be to train with JJ in Canada and make his big comeback. How fucking ironic.

Yuri tried to focus on his book again. The words were blurring together, and he was pretty sure he'd read the same sentence ten times already. He sighed and stuck a bookmark between the pages, then turned off his light and drifted into sleep.

…

Distantly, Yuri heard the front door open. A glance at the clock revealed it was nine in the morning. Had JJ forgotten something? He should've been at the rink, preparing for his exhibition performance. As Yuri reached over to turn on his lamp, the voices coming from the other room startled him.

“As you can see, Yuri loves video games a lot. I like to watch him play. I've probably bought over half of these for him.”

Yuri pushed off the covers and stumbled into the living room in just his boxers and a tank top. What on earth was JJ doing?

Two men stood in the living room with JJ. One held a giant camera, and the other had a fucking notepad.

Yuri's stomach dropped, and something inside him just snapped. He grabbed the nearest thing—a painting of a guitar on the wall—and hurled it across the room. It smashed into the TV with a loud crash.

JJ turned to him, stunned. “What the fuck?”

“Oh, oh. You're asking me that?” Yuri stormed over to the couch and snatched a pillow. “You bring reporters into my home without saying a word to me?” He pelted the pillow at JJ, then grabbed another.

His gaze cut to the reporters, who were grinning at him as if his life was some juicy soap opera. That stupid camera was focused right on him.

“Get out!” he screamed, and when the reporters didn't move, he pushed them to the door and out onto the doormat. “Don't come back!” he yelled and slammed the door shut.

He ran a hand through his hair, pacing in front of the door. The reporters knew where he lived now. They'd be outside all week. How would he get to work without being recorded?

Tears blurred his vision, and he collapsed against the door, sobbing. He couldn't believe JJ would do this to him. He never fucking thought about what he was doing—or how it would affect him.

“Yuri, what's wrong with you? Did you forget to take your meds?”

“Stop!” Yuri glared up at JJ, hoping the feelings of fury would reach him. “This has nothing to do with meds. This is about my privacy, _my_ life.”

“I have a plan, Yuri. This publicity will help you in the long run. Everyone will be rooting for you. It's the ideal situation for your comeback.”

Yuri stood up, squaring his shoulders. “I'm not having a comeback,” he said firmly. “I never wanted one! You got that idea on your own. I've been done with competing since I stepped off the ice at the Euro Cup. I'm not going back.”

“But, Yuri, you can't waste your talent like that.”

“I'll do ice shows or just skate for fun. I can still use my talents without the pressure of competing. It's too much for me. It was _killing_ me, JJ. All the cameras, the reporters, my fans... Everyone had expectations for me, and they all wanted to know more and more about me. I'm a private person though. I don't want people knowing my business.”

“You're the one who said you wanted us to be open about our relationship,” JJ shot back.

“Yeah, to friends and family. Not the whole fucking world.” This was stupid. He wasn't even that mad about that part, but he needed to let out his frustrations.

“I've been planning this for months. I came out to my family around the time my grandfather had that heart attack. Coming out and opening up about my relationship with you at Worlds was supposed to be romantic. Anyone would have been thrilled.”

“Anyone but me,” Yuri said. “This is exactly the opposite of what would thrill me. Don't you know me at all?”

“Come on, tiger. You know I know you.” JJ's tone turned soft and sweet, but it wouldn't work on Yuri today.

“Do I look like a tiger? Do I ever act like a tiger? No! That's just how you want to see me. If anything I'm a panther or a fox. I lurk in the shadows, but I can be fierce when I want to be. I've never been drawn to the spotlight.”

“So, what are you saying then? Are you breaking up with me?”

“I don't know. Maybe.” Yuri bit his lip.

JJ huffed angrily. “Is this about Otabek?”

“What?”

“I know you've been hanging out with him. I've even seen pictures of you together at nightclubs. I know that he's interested in you. Otabek even told me that he kissed you!”

“I told him I was seeing somebody else. I wouldn't cheat on you.”

“I know,” JJ said. “But you still lied about meeting up with him. Look, I don't care if you have a crush on him. Just tell me you'll stop seeing him, and we can go back to normal. I'll never bring it up again.”

“No. He's my friend,” Yuri said, not backing down this time. “He's important to me. I can't just stop hanging out with him.”

“I'm not going to say this twice, Yuri. It's him or me. Take your pick.” JJ crossed his arms and stared at Yuri with cold, demanding eyes.

“You've got this all wrong. This isn't about choosing who I want to date. It's about finally making decisions of my own. It's about getting away from things that affect my mental health—like competitions and the paparazzi. And, well, you.”

“So you _are_ choosing Otabek over me? I can't believe you'd betray me like that. After everything I've done for you.”

“Whether I end up dating Otabek or not has nothing to do with this. I am getting out of this relationship because you never listen to what I say, you think I'm a coward for wanting to take care of myself, and you've never noticed that cameras and reporters bother me. Those panic attacks weren't all because of the pressure of competition. Half my nightmares are filled with people asking me invasive questions and trying to take my picture. How is it that you don't know this about me?” Yuri couldn't stop the tears now, and his whole body shook.

“You never told me...” JJ said quietly.

“You never listened. Any time I expressed my feelings about that, you told me that I wasn't acting like myself. You're just so set on who I should be, but you never look at who I am.” Yuri wiped at the tears sliding down his cheeks. “Fuck. I've been in love with you, even with all your flaws. I would've been okay with you telling the world about us, but you had to bring me in front of the cameras. You had to make me into your trophy to show off. I can't deal with that.”

JJ was crying now too, but he didn't look angry anymore. “I'm so sorry, Yuri. I never meant to hurt you like this.”

“I know. And I don't want to hurt you now, but we're just not good for each other, all right? We should've had this conversation a long time ago. Maybe we could've worked through it then. But it's too late now.”

JJ pulled him into a hug. “At least my things are already packed,” he said with a nervous laugh. He would've been heading home next week anyways.

After Yuri had calmed down, JJ summoned a taxi and moved his stuff out. It was better for both of them that way. A clean break would help them more forward.

At least JJ had already won Worlds. He wouldn't be affected in an important performance. All he had left was his exhibition gala that afternoon. Not only did Yuri skip out on the event, but he didn't even watch it on TV. It was too soon, the wound of the breakup too fresh.

Yuri called in sick for a whole week. Their breakup had made the news, so his boss was surprisingly understanding of the situation.

Otabek checked up on him via messenger, but Yuri wasn't ready to see him yet. It wasn't that he was still sad or that he needed time to get over the breakup. Yuri just wanted time to get reacquainted with himself.

It was shocking how many of his behaviors and habits had been influenced by JJ. After the second night of ordering Chinese food, he realized that he hated the stuff. He read more books than he'd read in years. He even went down to the ice rink and joined Viktor for a few skate sessions.

He didn't feel like a coward. It was brave of him to get out of the relationship, and he was ready to start living his life for himself. He'd been so dependent on JJ that he hadn't realized how much he craved independence.

Work was going well. He found that he enjoyed working in the cafe, and he was really good at it. The manager had even promoted him to serving staff.

...

One day about a month after the World Championship, Alexei came up to him and told him that a customer was requesting him. Yuri turned around to see Otabek sitting at their table—the same one from their not-a-date that Otabek had totally thought was a date.

“He's cute,” Alexei commented and winked.

Yuri rolled his eyes, smiling, and headed over to the table. “Otabek, it's been a while.”

Otabek looked up and observed Yuri's work uniform—a black long-sleeved button up shirt and black pants. “Now that is definitely too sexy for daylight hours,” he commented.

“My tiger-print leggings were dirty again,” Yuri said, chuckling.

“Oh, you've worn them lately? Does that mean you're seeing someone?”

“No,” Yuri said, pleased that Otabek had asked this time, instead of assuming he was single. “But it means I want to start seeing someone.”

Otabek raised an eyebrow. “A rich politician's son this time?”

“No, quite the opposite actually. I was thinking of this poor DJ. He wears a lot of leather, and he came to my workplace one time. Do you think I should worry that he's stalking me?”

Otabek chuckled. “Sounds like you want him to stalk you.”

Yuri sat down across from him and clasped his hands. “I've missed you so much, Otabek. I wanted to see you so many times, but I guess I wanted to make sure I was fully myself when I saw you again.”

“And are you?”

“I think so,” Yuri said, nodding. “But I discover new things about myself every day, so I can't say for sure.”

“Life is an adventure. I've missed you too, Yuri. It was hard for me not to see you too. You needed your time, though. I understood that. But since you posted that picture with you and your coworkers on Instagram, I thought you looked happy again, like you'd be ready to see me.”

“You were right,” Yuri said. “Why are you always right?”

Otabek chuckled. “I'm not always right. But I actively try to understand the people around me. The only thing I can't figure out is why you haven't asked me out on a date yet.”

Yuri opened his mouth to tell him that he couldn't just assume he liked him, but then decided against it. “Maybe it's because you're much better at date ideas. Have anything in mind?”

“Well, I do have this gig tonight. You could help me mix in the DJ booth, and we could dance and drink and you could wear your leopard-print leggings again.”

“You'll wear that white tank top?” Yuri asked.

Otabek looked surprised. “How do you remember what I was wearing?”

Yuri laughed. “I guess the night made an impression on me too. It was the first time I'd been truly happy in a while.”

“So, it's a date?”

“It's definitely a date.”

“Would it be too soon to ask you to be my boyfriend?”

Yuri leaned over and kissed Otabek gently on the lips, then pulled back with a smile. “I think it's exactly the right time, boyfriend.”

…

Several months later in the middle of November, Yuri got a call from JJ. He was nervous to speak to him, but he'd been trying hard to actually deal with his problems, instead of running away from them.

“Hey,” he said.

“Hey,” said JJ. “So, I was right about Otabek, huh?”

“I guess so. We weren't together when I was dating you, I promise.”

“I believe you.” And it actually sounded like he did. “You two look really happy. It's been a long time since I've seen you smile like that in pictures. I'm glad that you've found someone who makes you happy.”

“What about you?”

“I'm currently dating another skater. He's very secretive, like you, but I'm learning how to make him feel comfortable.”

“Who is he?”

“I can't tell you since I'm pretty sure he wouldn't be comfortable with you knowing. He's Asian. We met at Skate America. That's about all I can tell you.” He chuckled.

“And he makes you happy?”

“Yeah, he does.”

“I'm glad you called,” Yuri admitted. “I wanted you to be happy, so it's really a relief to hear from you. The press has been pretty silent about you for a while.”

JJ laughed loudly. “Secret boyfriends will do that to a guy.”

“Good luck at the Grand Prix Final.”

“Thanks. I better see you at Rostelecom Cup. You've no excuse not to come.”

“What if I'm working?”

“Get someone to cover your shift. I want you to see my programs this season. My theme is rebirth.”

“I'll be there.”

…

Yuri held Otabek's hands as he took wobbly steps onto the ice. “Oh how the mighty have fallen,” Yuri joked.

“Shut up. I haven't skated in over a year.”

Yuri helped him glide along, careful to keep his boyfriend from falling. They were the only people on the ice—the same rink where Yuri used to train. Yakov had pulled some strings so that Yuri could have the rink to himself a few hours a week in order to practice. Otabek had come to the rink with him plenty of times to watch him, but this was the first time Otabek was skating with him.

“How are your knees?” Yuri asked after a while.

“They're fine so far. Doesn't hurt. Just no jumps for me and I need to be careful not to fall the wrong way.”

After about half an hour, Otabek was feeling comfortable enough to skate on his own. They skated beside each other, holding hands. “I wish we could pair skate,” Yuri said offhandedly.

“If only same-sex pairs were allowed...and if my knees would be healed enough to lift you into the air.”

“I feel like if you were there, I'd be able to compete again.”

“Are you thinking about making a grand comeback?”

“Maybe. I do miss it,” Yuri admitted. “Seeing myself progress, my scores getting higher and higher, the moves feeling more and more right—it's a feeling I can't replace. I was all stressed about winning before because I needed the money. But I don't need money now, and I don't care if I win anymore. I just wonder about going on a new adventure. If I fail horrendously, I can go back to doing something else, but if I never try...”

“...you'll never know,” Otabek finished for him.

“What do you think I should do?”

“I think you should make your own decision. If you want to try competing again, go for it. JJ's been complaining about there being no real competition since Viktor retired.”

“What about you though? Would you be okay with just watching?”

“Of course. I'll support you no matter what you do.”

Yuri smiled. “Good. Then...will you be my coach?”

“What? You're not going to ask Yakov?”

“I want you. You know my skating better than anyone else, and I know you miss the figure skating world. This is a way you could still be a part of it. And you could be at my side the whole journey. Encourage me like you do. Fight off the press. Help me pick the most scandalous costumes. Hey, maybe I could even skate to one of your mixes.”

Otabek laughed. “Now there's an idea I like. You know what? Let's do it. I'll make sure you have the greatest comeback ever.”


End file.
